Day 62: The Art of Floating

Sometimes it feels good to just stop for a minute.

Stop trying, stop pushing for growth, stop pining over each word and sentence, correcting it to something more useful.

Sometimes one just has to stop and breathe and stand still for a second.

I did this literally and figuratively today. I tried a float tank.

Walking into the room where I was going to float was a little unnerving. Here I was, headed for what looked exactly like a meat locker, only a little smaller. The place reeked of chlorine which actually made me feel good, cause…. cooties. The doors to the tank room didn’t actually lock. I found out this is because if you fall asleep in the tank they sometimes have to come in and wake you. This is the stuff of nightmares for the people who work there, imagine having to open the meat locker, reach your hand into the complete dark to grab some part of a nude body that may or may not be asleep and/or in a deeply meditative state. It’s amazing no one gets kicked in the face.

If you haven’t floated before it is basically a high salt content water that renders you weightless. It is a sensory deprivation room so you wear earplugs and there is no light.

For those of us with anxiety (raises hand high!!) I had so many concerns.

How would I know when my time was up? They play music.

What would happen if I didn’t hear the music? They play it louder.

What happens if I still don’t hear it? They bang on the door and/or grab your damn foot… or head depending on what way you are floating.

Will I be able to hear if someone comes in and tries to steal my wallet? No.

Will the magnesium from the epsom salts cause me to have stomach cramps (taking Mg orally does this)? No, but having anxiety about stupid shit will….

Will I be able to last the entire 60 minutes? Yes, you freak, calm the fuck down.

So I go to this room. There is a shower and a meat locker. You shower off all the grime before entering said meat locker. There is a light and vacuum sealed door. Once you are “comfortable” you turn off the light and enter complete darkness. Then you start to frantically search your mind for the last movie you watched in which a person was buried alive and then you empathize with them and only start to mildly panic at the thought of what if someone came in and bolted your door shut.

Then you relax… okay that’s a lie… there’s about another 45 min of anxiety over various things ranging from “I wonder how I will be able to get my car out of the impossibly small parking garage I barely managed to get in to (you will because the person next to you will have left)” to ‘If I am tired enough from my morning workout and am a side sleeper and roll over will I actually just drown (no, no you won’t).

They tell you to lay on your back (obvi…. salt water on the eyes sounds like a terrible idea… oh yeah, and… breathing) with your arms above your head palms up. This, supposedly, reduces contraction of the back. I couldn’t get comfortable. To be fair, I boxed for… three hours this morning… yes… you read that right. I don’t know what my problem was but I was really getting off on hitting shit and sweating a bunch. As you can imagine, my arms were pretty tired, my back was seized up and my neck (which I slept funny on) was starting to cause a massive headache.

It was going really well.

I kept telling myself to relax, which never really works. I stretched, I cracked my neck, I shifted around… I had to pee. What if I had to pee before the 60 minutes, I would have to get out and shower and run to the bathroom (which was outside the room in reception). Would I do this with a towel as the man running the joint was clearly gay and wouldn’t care (probably), or would I get fully dressed and once I left would I forfeit the rest of my time?

Yup, this is how my brain always works.

So I am laying there, uncomfortable, body aching, muscles actually spasming a little in my shoulders, thinking “how in the fuck am I going to last an hour?”

I brought my arms up to an X across my chest and held on to my shoulders. Something about that calmed me. This is something I have noticed and is likely a protective gesture, I just can’t be freely exposed in my front. Maybe I need some chakra clearing or trauma work. Who the hell knows. Once I was firmly hugging myself my mind began to chill and I could feel myself falling deeper into a meditative state. It wasn’t a normal one where I am firmly on another brainwave, as there was still a bunch of mental chatter, but below that was a calming and a quiet. I actually didn’t realize how relaxed I was until I got out and had to rejoin the real world.

For a few blissful moments I was able to stop. I disconnected from physical sensation. I listened to my heart beating (it didn’t sound 100% solid and clean) and I quieted my subconscious. My mind still ran around like a little cretin, but below that there was stillness and I just allowed myself to stop and regroup.

Did I fall in love with floating? No. Will I do it again? Absolutely. It is almost a forced relaxation that I am sure we glean far more benefits from than what we can ever comprehend. I will say all that magnesium really worked wonders on my muscle aches and my headache. I definitely felt better coming out than I did going in.

Next time I will focus on my heart and getting it to be calm and regular. I know what to expect and will have less anxiety than before. I will still worry about the parking situation and whether or not I am going to pee myself in a salt pool. Baby steps…

The moral of today? It’s okay to stop for a bit. It’s okay to stop striving for growth, to stop working on you, to stop worrying, to stop engaging with other people. It’s okay to do whatever the hell you need to do for you. And sometimes that means sitting down for a metaphorical rest. All of the work, the self growth, the healing, it will all still be there, waiting.

Do some weird shit. It might just take you to the exact place you needed to be. ❤ ❤

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

Day 59: A Prelude to Happiness

I think there is something that happens when you grow up in an environment where you are not loved in a way that you need to be loved. I think you don’t learn what love is supposed to be and when the only thing you know is fear and insecurity you adapt and figure out how to live there quite successfully. When you have adapted to any situation it starts to feel normal. Then, at some point in your 30s you realize you want to know what happiness feels like.

It seems like it should be an easy thing to do, find things that make you happy and then embrace it.

For me, that is not my experience. I could find things that made me happy for a split second, but it was as if there was something preventing that feeling from traveling to my heart. I knew I was happy in those moments but I didn’t FEEL happy.

Then I learned about love. I learned that love can be the most overwhelmingly beautiful experience and also one of the darkest parts of living. Love can heal and destroy. I thought true love would be this nirvana, and I still think it can be, but I think that real love comes in layers. Once there are enough layers of experience and disagreements and sticking around love settles in for the long haul. This to me is true love. Love that stays.

My love experience has been a rocky one the last few months. I have no clue where my future will end up, what man I will end up with, if I will even find a partner. But I do know that I am loved, very very deeply. When that love isn’t around I feel really sad.

I used to think that the depth of anguish I felt was in direct proportion to how much I loved someone. It turns out that depth of pain is really a reflection of how strong I am and how much I can handle. In an effort to feel something, sometimes I will amplify that pain to the point of near breaking. It expands that boundary of what I am capable of feeling. I am really well versed in expanding the pain and it is and has been, where I have lived for many many years.

This morning for a second I felt a glimmer of happiness in my heart and I immediately squashed it. Didn’t I remember I was supposed to be mourning the loss of Mr. X in my life (in the capacity I wanted him anyways)? The feeling came again for a second and again I thought, aren’t I supposed to be sad?

What is the prelude to happiness? For me, it was giving myself permission to feel happy.

I was driving down the road repeating to myself, “It’s okay to be happy. ” It is okay to be happy in the middle of sadness. That pain isn’t gone, it just released and moved around a little. It is okay to experience happiness even though your heart is breaking. It is okay to feel happiness during mourning.

After repeating these things a few times, the guilt started to dissipate. I remembered that another thing love is to me is wanting the person you love to be happy, whatever that looks like. In that moment I knew that Mr. X would be happy that I was happy. Happy that I was smiling in spite of the pain, happy that I was moving forward without him.

So I chose to smile, to sing a little in my car, to embrace the feeling and let it plant a seed in my heart. The next time it comes to bloom I will welcome it with arms open a little wider. ❤ ❤

Day 31: Pushing The Edges Of Capacity

The only way to grow is to push your boundaries. When one is working out and plateaus at 12 reps, the only way to grow more muscle is to push yourself and do more reps. This is pushing an edge.

In new relationships, once the romance period slows down and real life sinks it, boundaries and edges get pushed and adjusted with each hurdle. This is what makes a relationship grow and thrive.

In the workplace each new task that requires gaining or honing skills pushes the edge of what we know and results in mental (and sometimes physical and emotional) expansion.

You get it, you have to push the edges of your capacity in order to expand.

When there is a goal in place and there is a lot of motivation, pushing edges is easier. Maybe not easier, but more enjoyable than when we are forced to expand.

I am being forced to expand right now, in several areas of my life. I am on my third night without power and once again am writing this hunched over my phone in my car. The storm we are having is producing 60 mph winds and there are down trees everywhere. It is amazing I had power today for as long as I did.

My patient that I mentioned previously also died today. It makes me really really sad and I am currently in the process of examining my every move to be sure that there wasn’t more I could have done. And while I made the best decisions that I could with the knowledge I had, I can’t help but feel that I should have done better.

My work situation with the guy that was threatening me has become very uncomfortable and I no longer feel any sense of security there.

Mr. X asking for us to be friends and not knowing how the future will work for us… this is pushing an edge.

These are boundaries I don’t want to be pushing. And they are also boundaries that I don’t really have a choice about expanding. Well, that’s not entirely true. I could choose not to expand. I could put my patient out of my mind and not make the necessary evaluations and just say I couldn’t do better and choose to not learn from it. I could have let the guy at work get away with what he did resulting in him doing this again to other people and ultimately allowing some really aggressive, toxic behavior in the workplace. I could walk away from Mr. X completely. I could choose to not write this blog and cease all my daily activities and give into the fact that I have no power but none of those things would serve my goals of personal growth and expansion. We are lucky in that every day we are tested. The field is set for constant expansion if that is what we desire. For me, I am still not fast at shifting things, so I need this training ground.

Just because I realize that, does not make it easy.

I wanted to throw in the towel today. I wanted to just not care so much about my patient, move to a place where I could start fresh where I didn’t have to deal with snow and winter. I wanted to quit my job and I wanted to run. Instead I am sitting here, tears streaming down my face, completely overwhelmed by my life. Those nagging voices are starting to get louder. The ones that are saying, “why did you think you could be a good doctor,” “you should just start over where no one knows you,” “you should just give up.” I know these voices are there as an echo of past circumstances. I know they are a product of fear. When I evaluate them further and feel into my heart I realize that right now, today, I don’t feel safe. I feel very alone and in some ways a little helpless. And if I boil it down even more I realize that I don’t want to walk this world alone. I am tired of doing everything on my own, of figuring out life on my own, of coming home to a house that occupies one person, of relying on my dogs to keep me sane. I want a man in my life. Right now more than anything I want someone to hug me (let’s be real, a certain someone), to tell me that I did all I could for my patient, to listen to all of my trials at work, to help me take care of clearing the snow, to make this power outage an adventure instead of an inconvenience. As the darkness sinks in and I sit, listening to the howl of the wind through the trees, the stillness in my home beckoning sleep, I realize I am just plain lonely.

I have to be pretty low to feel like this. Low on energy, low on reserves. Realizing that, I am searching for what will serve me best to fill my tanks. Right now that’s a kind word from a friend and a mug of tea that I have heated over a camp stove. It’s snuggling up with all of my blankets and the dogs and bedding down for the night knowing I have done all of the critical things. It is expanding the edges of my appreciation and forcing myself to not just find things to appreciate, but to actually appreciate them – with the feeling in my heart. And it is to be kind to myself, to be my own cheerleader and to show myself some grace in being and feeling human. It’s to accept that nothing that I am feeling is wrong, that I am okay, that this is all expansion and is serving some greater good. And it is knowing that I can handle this, even if I am alone.

Growth is not easy. Awareness gets easier the more you practice it, but actually using it and choosing differently is not easy. It’s simple, sure, but not easy. And it’s okay to have rough days, to feel overwhelmed and in need of some help. It’s okay to reach out, to cry, to ask for support.

And it’s okay to feel lonely. I know these feelings will pass. I will just institute the advice that I offer to everyone else. Just. Keep. Going. Tonight that means going to bed early, trying to get some sleep and starting fresh in the morning. ❤ ❤

Image by Jills from Pixabay

Day 29: The Cruciality Of Support

I’m feeling pretty defeated by the world this round. Like, knockout defeated.

We had a snow storm last night and got about 8 inches dumped on us in a region of the USA where there is typically not much snow fall which means there is not a good system in place to handle that. So my power has been out intermittently for the last 18 hours. 13 of which was a continuous blackout so… no heat. I woke up to quite the chill this morning.

A patient that I referred for surgery took a turn for the worse and died today. Another is likely headed for the same fate this week. The second one I have been working on for the last four weeks.

I was in the middle of making food and once again, no power. It’s 5 PM, pitch black and cold and here I sit. I’m writing to you on my phone, curled up in my blankets like a gnarly little gremlin.

To be honest I’m not even sure that cruciality is a word and I don’t want to waste precious cell phone battery to find out. That’s what we are working with here.

There are things in life that we require to survive, food, water and shelter. Once those base needs are met and satisfied a whole host of options opens up. Having the freedom from the stress of survival allows for breathing room and the focus can shift to creating a life worth living.

And creation is what it’s all about.

When I started out on my journey to self love I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do it on my own. Even though the actual process of self growth is a solitary journey, having the right support can make or break your travel.

Support can come in so many forms. It can come in the form of a cheerleader, a mentor, someone delivering tough love or even the circumstances that crop up in life.

If you are able to look around and realize that even the tough times are supporting you somehow it can make dark times seem a little less heavy. The tricky part here is having to trust that they are delivering you somewhere that will be of benefit which is, admittedly, hard to do when you are caught in the thick of it.

For me tonight my support showed up in the form of a phone call from a friend. He reminded me that even though I had a rough day, I still showed up for myself. I didn’t let the trials stop me from doing the things that I know will benefit my future. I worked out. I took a call from a coaching program that I am looking to join. I was able to shower at the gym. My day has been a little tough but it’s been a good training ground for changing my mentality and luckily for me, barring any unforeseen catastrophies, I will have a chance to try again tomorrow.

I hope you are all warm and cozy out there. ❤️❤️

Photo by Sasint from Pixabay

Day 21: The Physiology Of Fear

I am sitting here in my tiny house and suddenly, a gunshot. Then another, then another. I live in the country, so firearms are not an unusual occurrence. There is something about these shots though that is different. A different cadence, a closer proximity. Likely, someone is hunting coyote. It is the most probable explanation, but not the first one that went through my mind. Nope, my first thought was a murder/suicide, then I quickly realized that was unlikely and a silly thought, or is it… in this day and age I am not so sure anymore. My unease is not helped by the fact that I am watching The Ring, alone… at night. Why do I do this to myself? Why does it sometimes feel good to be scared? Probably because it reminds us that we are alive.

I can feel it even now, there is tension in my body. My shoulders are pulled up, my breath shallow. Blood is pounding in my ears. I am in fight or flight mode. I breathe, deeply and my body relaxes a little, one more breath, more tension melts away. But what happens to our bodies when we are in prolonged fear states? Long term effects can include weakening of the immune system, gastrointestinal issues, cardiovascular issues, and premature aging to name a few things. Simply put, our bodies are not made to withstand prolonged threats. Fear is a very powerful biological process. It alerts us to anything that threatens our survival. It screams at us to move, it pumps adrenaline into our blood, it heightens all of our sense.

Whether that threat is real or not.

If you are anything like me you are used to fear. It is a constant companion. For me fear shows up as low level anxiety and debilitating exhaustion. It shows up as a lack of ability to make decisions. It shows up in the tightness in my back and the painful stomach aches. We are not meant to make fear a companion. I think this all started at a pretty young age with me. I never really felt safe in my home. No, I was never under threat of being killed and I wasn’t really physically abused, but there was a constant barrage of emotional, mental and psychological drama that resulted in some very well honed fear responses. As a result I have spent much of my life in a state of anxiety. Anxiety can be useful and can help us change direction, or can be the motivation we need to make a big move, but constant anxiety leads to mental distress, physical ailments and lack of well-being. For me, when fear takes over, there is a heightening of that response and after years and years of feeling under attack, it takes less and less to put me in that state. Aaannddd I often jump to the worst case scenario (hello, murder/suicide).

Now, I am not one that was ever very successful with therapy. I found it a useless exercise, mostly because I have processed the past events in my life. I don’t need to hash them out again and again, and many of them I no longer feel any attachment towards and can instead see them as beneficial on my path to where I am now. Therapists would ask me to talk about an issue and I would come full circle on whatever little tidbit they were trying to extract or whatever lesson they were hoping I would see in about ten seconds flat. The real issue for me is retraining the nervous system to chill out a little bit and rewire those pathways that lead to this continuous cycle of anxiety. I have done this/am doing this without therapy, but this is the part where I say please, please, please for the love of God if you feel like you are struggling and need some help, see a shrink. Therapy has done some amazing things for a lot of people that I know.

Some of the things that I do to get through fear are:

  1. I acknowledge that fear is there. When I feel my body tightening I take that awareness and shift it to why I am feeling that way. What is the threat? Is it perceived or real? Is it a story that my mind is making up?
  2. Then I breathe. Deeply. Sometimes if I am able to I will drop into a meditation and quiet everything around me.
  3. Once I decide what category that fear goes into, real or perceived, I decide what action to take. Real threats, I will get out of there and worry about the rest later. Most of the fears in my life aren’t real. They aren’t life or death and are, most of time, just mental chatter. When I realize that is what is going on I play the scripts out in my mind. I ask myself what is the worst case scenario? How does that feel? What is the best case scenario? How does that feel?

By the time I get to step 3, which only really takes a few moments, I am usually much more relaxed. I am aware of what’s happening in my body and I am able to alter my response. This is all just a matter of shifting perspectives. Most of the time the best case scenario option is enough of a feel good potential for me to take that “risk.”

Example, my boss called me into her office for a “chat,” but she looks really angry. This fear may or may not be real. I may lose my job, which is fear inducing if I go down a rabbit hole of all of the potential consequences of that. Most of the time though I would choose to say to myself, first of all, I don’t know if she is angry or not and even if she is it may or may not have anything to do with me. Likely, it doesn’t. Then I will play out the worst case scenario, in this case, losing my job. What would that feel like? Initially, not very good and I would probably feel like I was incapable or not good enough. And then I would realize that wasn’t the case and I have been unhappy in my job for months and likely my boss realizes that. If I lost my job it would also give me a tremendous amount of freedom to look around at other organizations and would relieve the pressure of wondering if I should quit or not etc. Best case scenario? She is bringing me in to recognize me for a job well done or a raise, and that would feel really good. Once this process becomes second nature the turn around is very quick, usually a matter of seconds.

Fear has kept me from so much in my life. One of the things that helps me push through fear is the company of a dog. I usually have one with me wherever I go. Dogs are so humbling. Animals in generally really. They run on instinct. These guys are my totem… which I will write about another day, maybe tomorrow. When I decided to go to into the medical field, I had this wonderful dog. She was my heart, that one. She was with me all through school. The day before I was supposed to leave to move across the country and start my first job in this profession, she died, very suddenly. I was absolutely devastated. My adventure buddy was gone. I stayed in bed (a sleeping bag on my apartment floor as I had already shipped my things) for a couple days, delaying my trip. I had planned this awesome camping, cross country adventure just me and her. The only “vacation” I had had in years. I still went on that trip. It was a march of total, utter devastation. In a way I was fearless because I had lost the most important being in my life. I slept in my car in some shady spots, I went to national parks and hiked trails with grizzly bears. I went state after state with my head down, not engaging with people, sobbing along the way. It was pretty awful, but I saw some really beautiful and moving things. Once I reached my current destination I threw myself into my work. I had zero confidence, I was genuinely scared every day as decisions that I made could now actually be life or death. I was terrified to be a doctor. In the first year of practice I became more and more isolated, more and more anxious and I was not enjoying anything about my life anymore. I got another dog, far too soon. He is a lovable disaster who has his own rocky past and it took us a solid 9 months before we really bonded. It was a very unstable time in my life and resulted in me spending a lot of hours in front of the TV, in my bed during my time off, completely and utterly exhausted. My back hurt, my shoulders hurt, I couldn’t think straight. I wanted nothing to do with making decisions which resulted in me eating a ton of frozen pizza and basically single-handedly supporting Netflix. I was essentially letting fear run my life.

Then I heard this guy talk (yes, broken record, it’s Mike Kemski) and one of his teachings is you are the power. That really struck a cord with me, because it forced me to look at my life and realize I had created my current state. I wasn’t surrounded by threatening situations, but I was allowing them to be considered as such. I was creating them that way in my mind. But the cool part was if I could create them, I could also change them. And so it began. Very VERY slowly I started to peek out of my self made prison and take a look at the world. It would take another 8 months before this concept would sink in but I now realize that everything I do is a choice and a perspective. If I decide to have a lazy day at home, it is because I have chosen, not because I am afraid to go out in the world. And I do venture out… way more than I used to. I walk slower, I take in the scenery. I enjoy the views and the people watching and I have a curiosity about the world that I thought was dead in my heart.

When fear does strike I am able to thank it for being there, for trying to protect me – my body and mind are badass guardians! Then I move through it, I try the new thing, I go the new place. I walk the new hike. Every once in a while my gut gets involved with a really clear message and those I listen to. I adjust course, I take a different trail, but most of the time, there is no threat. The world isn’t out to get me. I am powering my existence and I choose to see all of the ways I am supported and loved and all of the ways I am safe. Fear has been a tremendous asset in my life and continues to be a really enlightening teacher. But it’s no longer welcome in the driver’s seat. ❤ ❤

** There is still time to join Mike Kemski’s challenge, it officially starts at 3 PM CST tomorrow. I write about him here and in a few of my other posts. He is a fantastic human being, a close friend, and an amazing catalyst for change. He exists to be sure that people know how to get the most out of life so they don’t die with regret. His challenge is two weeks long and he goes over a simple process that is the building block for having the life you have always wanted. Check him out on Facebook or jump into the challenge here:

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Day 15: How To Make Decisions Like A Dog or Failure and Success: A Dog’s Eye View

It’s story time here on The Frazzled Romantic.

Once upon a time a girl had a dog. She felt that said dog would like a companion, so she adopted a puppy. This was a terrible idea.

The dog’s loved each other a ton and snuggled and played and that was good, but sometimes, the girl wondered if the puppy wasn’t a little…. slow developmentally.

This puppy would not take no for an answer. She was into the same things repeatedly, she took MONTHS to potty train and even then still had accidents occasionally in the house and her obedience was sub par despite hours and hours of repetition. In short…. she was a puppy and the girl wasn’t mentally prepared for that. But, the puppy was full of love and happiness and a little bundle of chewing, peeing, joy so the trio carried on.

Which brings us to today. Now, I know this puppy has some smarts, I can see her rolling things around in her noggin. Today she had a really big win and I am proud of her. She has to go out on a tie out in the yard and there is exactly one tree that she can get wrapped around and today she did just that. She was getting rained on and wrapped around the tree and just looked a miserable wretch. I was eating a bowl of cereal so OBVIOUSLY not in any position to go help her. So I shut the door and watched her for a second. Now, this dog will choose the wrong answer 99/100 times, but, add a little rain in the mix and suddenly this girl had some massive motivation to get back to the house. She tried to run straight to it, fail. She tried to go the wrong way around the tree, fail. She tried to bark for my rescue, fail. Then she stopped a second, looked at her goal, evaluated her problem and what she had to work with and she figured out how to untangle herself. She came RUNNING full speed up to the house, crashed into the front door like a freight train (she has figured out this will bump the lock and open the door … super charming habit…). I unhooked her and she went zooming around my house, the epitome of elation, the pinnacle of success! Then she laid down and is currently snoring like the smart little angel she is.

What the fuck is the point of that story?

Nature is simple and uncomplicated. WE complicate things. Our lives are complex and we add layer and layer on to our plates until we can no longer see the root of our suffering. We become so transfixed with the beauty of words that we forget their meaning. We run down rabbit holes looking for help and escape from the existence of our lives, which WE have created. We give our power away to the first charismatic guru we come to because the things they say take away a micron of our suffering and we forget the very basic survival necessities: identify a goal or problem, try something, fail…. repeatedly, and then…. succeed.

Goal, effort, failure, success.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Failure is built into our recipe for success. FAILURE. Just reading that word will make some people itchy. Why are we so afraid to fail? Failure makes us feel like we aren’t good enough. It makes us feel less than. It makes us human in the face of society and social media projecting false ideals of perfection. Let me tell you something right now, there is no definition of perfect! WE get to decide what our “perfect” looks like. My “perfect” is authenticity. Unapologetic authenticity. My perfect is RIPE with failure, because failure means I am trying, and I am living.

Failure is not a demon. Someone once told me that there were a lot of beneficial guides in our darkness. It took me about 8 months to figure out what the fuck that meant. I kept diving into these brutal moments of pain and sadness waiting for some dark cloaked figure to come and take my hand and teach me some lesson. I am not even joking. I would sit there and be like what the actual fuck, there is no guide here. You tell me to explore my pain and here I am in the thick of it and NO ONE IS HERE BUT ME! I understand now, what he meant. Pain serves to change our course. No cloaked guy comes along with a cheeseburger and bottle of water and a pat on the back. We are alone in our pain, but there are some AMAZING lessons in there if we are courageous enough to look for them.

Failure also serves to change our course. We simply cannot reach our goals in life without failing. We fail and we are summoned to something else, we are GUIDED to another path. Failure teaches us what works, what doesn’t work and that we can make other choices. Failure teaches us perseverance and grit. There is not one person in this life who has succeeded without failing a bunch of times. Failure creates humility and invites authenticity and vulnerability which, if used as tools, leads to connection, finding new people and ultimately new resources. Failure is arguably the most important aspect of success. It’s all a matter of perspective and this is the one that supports me. When the idea of failure becomes overwhelming and scary we become paralyzed, stuck…. we stop moving and we start to atrophy our muscles, our strength starts to decline until we are covered in so much of our own bullshit thought patterns we can’t see straight. And when we have to move cause we cannot take it any longer, then, then we are starting over again, and we will fail… again and again and again. It is an inevitability for anyone who chooses to take any sort of risk in life, for anyone who chooses to grow. Failure is a friend. Sure, sometimes it stings. Sometimes it takes you down for the count and all you can do is crawl to your corner and suck on some ice chips for a while. But, if your heart is open to the lessons that can be learned you will stand up again, you will change course and if you keep moving, you will succeed.

If there is one resolution I will take into 2020 it will be to fail. To fall on my ass again and again until I reach my goals. It will be to take a breath and adjust course after finding the inherent lessons, because as long as I am failing, I am progressing, and with each failure…. I am that much closer to success.

And when I succeed you can bet your ass I will do some zoomies around the house before taking my nap. The puppy got that part right too. ❤ ❤

Dog Image by RitaE from Pixabay

** This is where I have to say that the reason I feel like I can fail, the reason the world doesn’t seem quite so scary is because I have A LOT of support. I am a member of this amazing community of individuals who are LIVING LIFE. There is so much inspiration, so much hope, so much success, humility, love and appreciation there… it is a breathtakingly safe space. Support is CRUCIAL to success. I know you are thinking, well fuck you Frazzled chick I don’t have that breathing room….

Yes, you do. Find your people and go out there and make your mark. If you haven’t found your people…. find them. Your life will be massively improved. Don’t know where to start?

Start here. Mike Kemski. He runs the unicorn group that I am talking about. He is smart as hell, incredibly caring and he pours his heart into the group. He puts the spotlight on the people doing the work, he shows people that they are powerful, that they create their lives. I can’t think of a more empowering perspective. He is starting a challenge on January 6th. The challenge runs for 2 weeks. It is a jump start to putting your life on the path you want. His teaching style is really down to earth, no bullshit, simple and easy to execute. If you are struggling to find your tribe I encourage you to check out his writings on FaceBook and if anything resonates, look into his challenge. If you want to change your life you have to start with a single step and I cannot think of a step that is more supported than this one. At the end of two weeks you will have all of the tools you need to transform your life if you choose to continue utilizing them. Bold claims, I know, but his shit works. I talk about him more in this post: Day 7: The Responsibility of the Social Influencer – Grocery Store Ponderings.

The following link is to his challenge: