The Value of Discomfort

I was in my coaching program class today and the instructor, who is someone whose work I value, said something that made me pause, and it is something that many a personal development influencer will say. He said we should ALWAYS strive to live at a high frequency. That we should not allow ourselves lower frequency emotions and this is the way to create an attracting state.

I understand the sentiment. However, I think there is great value in having “negative” emotions or lower frequency ones. If we didn’t have them 1. we would not be able to recognize, appreciate or even understand what “higher”frequency was because there would be no contrast (duality) and 2. most of us need that discomfort to move through the world. It is in that discomfort that we seek the elevated living states (perspectives and duality).

I am really tired of being told I just need to choose to be happy and all my problems will be solved. This fucked me up for a long time because any time I would have a “bad” emotion (anger, jealousy fear, panic, worry) I would go okay but be happy, plaster a smile on my face and fail miserably. It was like trying to keep the lid on a pressure cooker. Sometimes you have to let some god damn steam out.

We have these emotions for a reason! They have just as much value as the positive ones, more when we are talking about self transformation. It is the discomfort that inspires us into action, inspires us to change. No, we are not meant to live in these states, and that is when we get into trouble, but these feelings have tremendous value.

I have also heard these emotions described as the “pseudo” self among the therapy circles and fuck that language seems so detrimental to me. To say that feeling anger is your “false” self, no! My anger is my anger. It drives me to create, to make changes, to move. It is as much a part of me as my “solid” self. There isn’t a fake and a real self. There is only the frequency that you are emitting now and the elevated (or lower) frequency that you are transforming too. But it is all, gloriously, deeply, ME.

Can you imagine if there was no fear, no worry, no jealousy, no hate in this world? I think that not having those would mean we were unable to fully appreciate the good times. I think it would get boring. We can use the example of this virus. I think that most of us were living with a base frequency that had become used to or complacent to the noise in the world, the wars, the death, the hostility. Now that we have this silent assailant who is not picky about age, gender, race or religion and suddenly we are seeing our collective humanity again, and we are coming together as PEOPLE. This would not have happened without this damn virus spreading across the globe. Without the perspective of just how shitty and scary this is, we would not be enjoying time with family and friends or singing with neighbors on balconies or in hospital corridors (with the appropriate 6 feet of distance of course :)). Instead, we would have continued as we were. While the collective is scared and worried and panicked, there is also an elevation happening, a deepening of the love and joy and pleasure that we are experiencing in this time.

The real trick in all of this is knowing what to do with discomfort and honestly, that is something I am still figuring out.

One of the things I do though is use duality and perspective shifts to help me figure out what I need. For example: I’m having a lot of anxiety going out to do my job right now as I feel others are not taking this viral threat as serious as I am. Then I ask, “why am I having that anxiety” and realize it is because I have been sick so I feel more vulnerable than I normally would. Then I have something to work with. I could go around being pissed off and wanting people to change their own behavior OR I can recognize what is happening and figure out what I can do to fix it. I bought masks, I increased my cleaning protocols. Anxiety, decreased.

This can be done with anything really. I am sad about my ex. Why am I sad? Because I feel alone. What can I do to feel less alone? Call some friends, go on a walk and meet some neighbors etc.

I get it, things don’t always feel that cut and dry for me either. But by breaking down our emotions in this way we are able to recognize steps and take them. Each step geared towards moving away from the discomfort and towards an elevated state.

And let me go off on a tangent for a second to say this is what is so fucked about so much of personal development. It isn’t pretty to tell you it takes some fucking work and balls of steel to move through this stuff. It takes grit and determination and some days you are going to lose the battle. I have been around and heard so many times, just be happy and for me it makes me feel like my other feelings aren’t valid. There is no faster way to shut down a conversation with someone in the thick of things than to tell them “hey it isn’t all bad, I know you have a gun in your mouth, but look at that sunshine, just be happy!” No. No. NO. In those moments we have to help people to cultivate an iota of space so that they can find the strength to take another breath, another step. This is done by validating their feelings and seeing them completely and being able to sit with them as they walk through fire.

You can’t have good without bad, love without hate, cold without warm. We need the lower frequencies as much as we need the higher. We need the darkness to be able to see the light. It’s all about how we use them that creates a platform for transformation and the joy that is the human experience. ❤ ❤

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

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