I used to think that life was just… how it was. I came from a shitty childhood, life was hard and that was just how it was going to be.
I would see these people and even come across some of them intimately, that just seemed to have it all together. Good things kept happening for them and well, they were just lucky.
I used to think that I was fated to what my life was, that some being bigger than myself had decided I should have a shitty life and that was that. That was the hand I was dealt. I used to really judge and quite frankly, kind of hate those people that just had it all together.
I used to attract people that felt the same and we would sit and lament about how shit our lives were.
My life hasn’t made a complete 180… yet. It has taken a lot of really conscious effort and a lot of self awareness but more and more these days I am feeling things shift. I am seeing progress and results in a way that is tangible and real. I am finding more and more people who are forward focused and I no longer attract the people willing or wanting to sit in shit. The friends I do have who are still here and were my bitching buddies are also working on bettering themselves so we are journeying together and that feels really good. And I am starting to attract some really awesome people in my life. People who have gone through the same darkness that I have and who have come out the other side and transformed their lives. These people serve as guides, mentors and valued friends. When I look around now I can see all of that. Even if I am having a down day, I can see the progress and I can find the good, the strengths, and I can make praise a mindful, daily practice.
Somewhere along the line I accepted that I am writing my story. My decisions have shaped my current reality and I am the only one who can change it. That is such an empowering thought.
Rewriting my story has been… by all accounts…. quite a long process. And I don’t really think there is ever a “being done” with it. I think that people who have been wired to live in fear and darkness find solace there and have to do a daily rewriting, sometimes a minute by minute one but my experience is teaching me that it can become faster and faster and the fear tamed quicker with each successive progression. And it really helps to have friends that can help you see blind spots and steer you towards a better outlook.
Today I see change. I see progress. I feel love and hope and joy. I know these emotions come and go and that darkness will come back to me, but I am not worried about that. I read something that was along the lives of “if you can pull your head from the future, and your heart from the past you will know how to live in the present” and that is what I am doing today. I am being present, enjoying the happiness and just being me. Rewritten. ❤ ❤