I am listening to this podcast with Russell Brand and Brene Brown, there are so many good things tucked into 88 minutes. I HIGHLY recommend it.
One of the concepts that she talks about it how people are all really just doing their best. Their “best” doesn’t always mean good or my perception of good, but it does mean that they are making decisions based on the knowledge base that they do have, the way they were raised, any mental or physical conditions that they have, other stressors etc. Someone’s best may look drastically different than mine.
I am not sure if I believe this 100%. I think people are capable sometimes of a lot more than they are giving, but the way that she explained it was so profound that she was able to change my mind, mostly….
I hold people to a really high standard… actually, no I don’t think it is a really high standard, I think we as a culture have just accepted a really low level of what we consider acceptable behavior. There are days when I have to really consciously remind myself that people, generally mean well.
I am fortunate enough too to work with a bunch of people who are pretty forward thinking and open minded. It makes it easy, most days, to find things to be appreciative for. I would argue that one of the best things a person can do as far as improving their quality of life is to learn to find the appreciation in the moments that are not easy.
I like to make a game of this. I am not to the point yet were I am able to do this in the moment but I’m getting closer to that and I am really pretty good at being able to look back at the not so pleasant moments in my day and find the appreciation for them. Take the not nice man that I work with… that situation has caused me to become very resilient in the work situation. He has also caused me to take a really hard look at my values and ethics and has given me a cause to speak up against. I get to practice communication and boundary setting like a motherf*cker. I am actually strengthening, not just my skills, but I am also cultivating tips and tricks that I will be able to share with other down the road. The old me would have used this situation as further evidence that people suck and I would have closed off my heart, but I have been able to stay open (not to him, no) and take up my rightful space at work and go on with my job. Was it instantaneous, no. This has taken me weeks to come around to. And through it all, I remain kind. I think that is the part that I am most proud of. I have remained true to myself, stuck up for my ideals but held firm on my position and remained above board with my actions. This has also been a really awesome reminder that not all people play by the same rules and further solidifies the type of people that I want to have in my life.
After I sit down and consider these things, I am able to not just come up with the words of gratitude, but I am able to feel it. Sometimes I am even able to cultivate a little excitement for the next time we have to interact as it is a puzzle that is trying to be solved. I am realistic about my expectations for communication with someone who has the values that he does, but I use it as an exercise in my communication style and even when the outcome isn’t desired I realize that I cannot control the other variables (i.e. people) in the scenario but I can evaluate my language and behavior and be proud that I am bettering myself.
So…. sometimes when you are in a funk, it helps to dissect all of the shitty things and see how they are actually serving you. One of the key questions I ask myself is how it this situation/person/item supporting my goal. As someone wanting to get into the coaching realm, this situation gives me A LOT of material to work with. If you look hard enough you can make anything a resource for your life. It’s a beautiful gift that you can give yourself. ❤ ❤