Day 33: Drowning In A Sea Of Crazy

There is this phenomenon that happens when you are in the midst of transformation. It occurs when the life you are living no longer fits but the one you are creating isn’t ready for you to step in.

In the personal development group that I am in we call this “The Crazies.” And damn is that an appropriate term for it.

The crazies is not a fun place to be. It feels like you are drowning in a violent sea that keeps battering you, wave after wave comes just at the very moment you are gasping for breath. It feels like falling down an endless well, clawing at the stone walls, unable to grab hold, breaking your nails off in the process. It feels like a torturous, endless death. Time slows down, hours feel like days, days like weeks. You get the idea. It is not pleasant! And unfortunately, it is a prerequisite for growth. I have yet to meet someone that transitioned smoothly into their new life. Perhaps for people that feel a little less deeply than I do it isn’t quite so dramatic a transition, but for me… it’s almost always brutal.

I am in the thick of the crazies. It has come after some pretty big momentum which was born of some pretty massive hurt. The momentum carried me through a couple weeks, allowed me to focus on what I want for the future and just when I feel like I am getting my feet underneath me, the crazies come in full force. They show up in the negative self talk that clouds my mind, the constriction in my heart, the concern for the future unwritten. They make me feel like I am losing my mind, like all of the things that I have learned the last year have meant nothing, that I have not made any progress. Even though I feel that way, I know it isn’t true. Just the fact that I am recognizing what is happening and am able to sit in it knowing I will come out the other side shows huge progress. A year ago I would have lost my mind. Now, I do what I need to get through, knowing that I will indeed get through.

So what do you do when the crazies strike?

For me, I take a deep breath. I recognize them for what they are and for what it means about my progress and my future. I reach out to a friend for support, if I have one that isn’t traveling through the same darkness. But probably the most important and the whole goal of this blog….. I show myself compassion. I listen to what my mind is saying, I evaluate the words and see if they are true and then I change them. Sometimes I literally say “Okay, if I was talking to a friend what would I say?” I zoom out and evaluate the situation from a different vantage point. I look for resources to keep supporting my goal. I drink water. I force myself to work out and maintain all of the good habits I have created the last few months and I love myself. Resisting this phase is pretty useless and only prolongs the suffering. Most of the time the crazies only last a few days. For me this has been going on longer and much longer than I would like, but each day brings me closer to the end and nearer to the future that I see for myself.

Today I woke up in tears, I realized what was happening and thought to myself, “bring it on, bitch,” cause I know I am strong enough to weather the storm. ❤ ❤

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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