It’s story time here on The Frazzled Romantic.
Once upon a time a girl had a dog. She felt that said dog would like a companion, so she adopted a puppy. This was a terrible idea.
The dog’s loved each other a ton and snuggled and played and that was good, but sometimes, the girl wondered if the puppy wasn’t a little…. slow developmentally.
This puppy would not take no for an answer. She was into the same things repeatedly, she took MONTHS to potty train and even then still had accidents occasionally in the house and her obedience was sub par despite hours and hours of repetition. In short…. she was a puppy and the girl wasn’t mentally prepared for that. But, the puppy was full of love and happiness and a little bundle of chewing, peeing, joy so the trio carried on.
Which brings us to today. Now, I know this puppy has some smarts, I can see her rolling things around in her noggin. Today she had a really big win and I am proud of her. She has to go out on a tie out in the yard and there is exactly one tree that she can get wrapped around and today she did just that. She was getting rained on and wrapped around the tree and just looked a miserable wretch. I was eating a bowl of cereal so OBVIOUSLY not in any position to go help her. So I shut the door and watched her for a second. Now, this dog will choose the wrong answer 99/100 times, but, add a little rain in the mix and suddenly this girl had some massive motivation to get back to the house. She tried to run straight to it, fail. She tried to go the wrong way around the tree, fail. She tried to bark for my rescue, fail. Then she stopped a second, looked at her goal, evaluated her problem and what she had to work with and she figured out how to untangle herself. She came RUNNING full speed up to the house, crashed into the front door like a freight train (she has figured out this will bump the lock and open the door … super charming habit…). I unhooked her and she went zooming around my house, the epitome of elation, the pinnacle of success! Then she laid down and is currently snoring like the smart little angel she is.
What the fuck is the point of that story?
Nature is simple and uncomplicated. WE complicate things. Our lives are complex and we add layer and layer on to our plates until we can no longer see the root of our suffering. We become so transfixed with the beauty of words that we forget their meaning. We run down rabbit holes looking for help and escape from the existence of our lives, which WE have created. We give our power away to the first charismatic guru we come to because the things they say take away a micron of our suffering and we forget the very basic survival necessities: identify a goal or problem, try something, fail…. repeatedly, and then…. succeed.
Goal, effort, failure, success.
Failure is built into our recipe for success. FAILURE. Just reading that word will make some people itchy. Why are we so afraid to fail? Failure makes us feel like we aren’t good enough. It makes us feel less than. It makes us human in the face of society and social media projecting false ideals of perfection. Let me tell you something right now, there is no definition of perfect! WE get to decide what our “perfect” looks like. My “perfect” is authenticity. Unapologetic authenticity. My perfect is RIPE with failure, because failure means I am trying, and I am living.
Failure is not a demon. Someone once told me that there were a lot of beneficial guides in our darkness. It took me about 8 months to figure out what the fuck that meant. I kept diving into these brutal moments of pain and sadness waiting for some dark cloaked figure to come and take my hand and teach me some lesson. I am not even joking. I would sit there and be like what the actual fuck, there is no guide here. You tell me to explore my pain and here I am in the thick of it and NO ONE IS HERE BUT ME! I understand now, what he meant. Pain serves to change our course. No cloaked guy comes along with a cheeseburger and bottle of water and a pat on the back. We are alone in our pain, but there are some AMAZING lessons in there if we are courageous enough to look for them.
Failure also serves to change our course. We simply cannot reach our goals in life without failing. We fail and we are summoned to something else, we are GUIDED to another path. Failure teaches us what works, what doesn’t work and that we can make other choices. Failure teaches us perseverance and grit. There is not one person in this life who has succeeded without failing a bunch of times. Failure creates humility and invites authenticity and vulnerability which, if used as tools, leads to connection, finding new people and ultimately new resources. Failure is arguably the most important aspect of success. It’s all a matter of perspective and this is the one that supports me. When the idea of failure becomes overwhelming and scary we become paralyzed, stuck…. we stop moving and we start to atrophy our muscles, our strength starts to decline until we are covered in so much of our own bullshit thought patterns we can’t see straight. And when we have to move cause we cannot take it any longer, then, then we are starting over again, and we will fail… again and again and again. It is an inevitability for anyone who chooses to take any sort of risk in life, for anyone who chooses to grow. Failure is a friend. Sure, sometimes it stings. Sometimes it takes you down for the count and all you can do is crawl to your corner and suck on some ice chips for a while. But, if your heart is open to the lessons that can be learned you will stand up again, you will change course and if you keep moving, you will succeed.
If there is one resolution I will take into 2020 it will be to fail. To fall on my ass again and again until I reach my goals. It will be to take a breath and adjust course after finding the inherent lessons, because as long as I am failing, I am progressing, and with each failure…. I am that much closer to success.
And when I succeed you can bet your ass I will do some zoomies around the house before taking my nap. The puppy got that part right too. ❤ ❤
** This is where I have to say that the reason I feel like I can fail, the reason the world doesn’t seem quite so scary is because I have A LOT of support. I am a member of this amazing community of individuals who are LIVING LIFE. There is so much inspiration, so much hope, so much success, humility, love and appreciation there… it is a breathtakingly safe space. Support is CRUCIAL to success. I know you are thinking, well fuck you Frazzled chick I don’t have that breathing room….
Yes, you do. Find your people and go out there and make your mark. If you haven’t found your people…. find them. Your life will be massively improved. Don’t know where to start?
Start here. Mike Kemski. He runs the unicorn group that I am talking about. He is smart as hell, incredibly caring and he pours his heart into the group. He puts the spotlight on the people doing the work, he shows people that they are powerful, that they create their lives. I can’t think of a more empowering perspective. He is starting a challenge on January 6th. The challenge runs for 2 weeks. It is a jump start to putting your life on the path you want. His teaching style is really down to earth, no bullshit, simple and easy to execute. If you are struggling to find your tribe I encourage you to check out his writings on FaceBook and if anything resonates, look into his challenge. If you want to change your life you have to start with a single step and I cannot think of a step that is more supported than this one. At the end of two weeks you will have all of the tools you need to transform your life if you choose to continue utilizing them. Bold claims, I know, but his shit works. I talk about him more in this post: Day 7: The Responsibility of the Social Influencer – Grocery Store Ponderings.
The following link is to his challenge: https://powerlife.kartra.com/page/enroll