Day 14: The Obligatory End of Year Reflection Post

Yup, it’s that time again, when people are gearing up for a rebirth in the new year, and ending of the old and the shiny promise of New Year’s Resolutions. I could wait a few more days, but this was in my space now and I don’t like to be TOO predictable. 🙂

I don’t really do resolutions. Mostly because every day for me is an arena for growth. I am in my head and my heart more than most people. Every interaction I have I relive at least once. If it was a good one it warms a tiny spec in my heart, if it was a not so good one I try to figure out what I could have done differently to improve the outcome. Sometimes I feel like I am on a perpetual hamster wheel of self improvement. Sometimes I want to stop the wheel from spinning for a second.

So I’m going to pause for a minute. Instead of promises for the new year, I am choosing to look back on the last with appreciation in my heart. It has been a good year. I have had a ton of trials and tribulations, I have been stretched to my capacity mentally, emotionally and physically and I have expanded those boundaries. I have cried buckets of tears, but in doing so have been able to FEEL again. And I have laughed so hard I have almost peed my pants, more than once.

A year is just a convenient way for us to keep track of things. It is a human construct that most people need to thrive as it gives us the chance, every 12 months, for reflection and rebirth. As I look back through my year, many chapters have ended. A few doors have closed, but a lot more have opened. I have been born again a hundred times. I am able to view the “bad” stuff from a much different vantage now and am able to see much more easily the benefit of these events. It is only through the pain and strife and resistance that I have been able to grow. And I have done so, massively. I’ve had victories and failures and I lived, so much more than the year before, and on most days, even in the darkest moments, I am able to find joy and gratitude.

I’m really proud of my 2019. And I am so appreciative of the people who are in my life. The people I am honored to call friends. The ones who open their hands, and hearts, and homes to me, who offer love and wisdom in whatever form it needs to come.

But above all, I am appreciative of me. Because I finally got off my ass, and made some moves, and I made my world a shinier, more beautiful place. That, that was all me. And I am one powerful motherf*cker. ❤ ❤

Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay

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