There is something that I do when I am feeling a little unsafe or lost in the world, you know, the moments were vulnerability seeps into your pores and leaves you feeling exposed?
I bristle. Like a porcupine.
Energetically, I put up a massive force field around me. If I leave my house, I go to where my goal is with purpose, head down, shields up. I don’t look around, I don’t engage or interact. I do my shit as quickly as I can and then I leave. It’s only when I am back in my house that I relax. Sometimes my shoulders and back are so tight after a day like this that I have to sit with a heating pad for a while.
This is quite the conundrum for someone attempting to transform their life because the one thing I have learned is that isolation doesn’t work. There is a really fine balance (for me as an introvert anyways) between being alone and recharging and just giving the whole world the middle finger. I have been working on this for a few months, this getting out more. It has mostly taken the form of going to new grocery stores, stopping in at a new library, trying a new cafe, a new gym. I stopped waiting to try new restaurants because I never had anyone to go with. Now, if I see something and it sparks a tiny little “I wanna experience that” in my heart, I listen and I go.
I was just at the grocery store, and I caught myself doing the bristle. MASSIVELY so. I literally stopped next to the eggs and took some deep breaths and softened the energy around me. I took a second to check in with why I was feeling that way and to observe my surroundings and see that, no, there was no observable danger.
My “threats” today were two fold. The first, I try to ignore that the holidays are a thing, which is impossible to do when you leave your house this time of year. I get annoyed that what is meant to be a time of gathering and love with family and friends is bastardized into such a commercial event. And honestly, I don’t have a family that I like to celebrate with and I don’t like the reminder that I am alone this time of year. I did choose to look around though and see all of the happy people buying gifts and food and there was a lot of love there and it made my heart warm up a little.
The second threat and one that is way more insidious is that of the social media influencer. I know, completely fucking random.
This came up today because someone I care about is being pulled into a group that reeks of a cult and she is so taken by a person who is in the social media spotlight that she is no longer able to think for herself. Worse, she is acting like this person and it is ruining her relationships. I also have intimate knowledge of said influencer and know what he stands for and his values are not flattering. It got me thinking though that people in the limelight have a HUGE responsibility to their followers. Ethically and morally they NEED to take the high ground. And so many of them don’t. It’s really really sad, especially in the world of personal development.
I think that we are in a moment of social awakening so to speak. People are looking for an upward shift in the collective consciousness. People WANT to be better. Sadly, the majority of influencers in this realm have it all wrong. They preach “holistic” hedonism and strategic ignorance. They make it seem that if you just meditate and visualize you can have everything you want, if you don’t play big you don’t win big. None of these things is incorrect (and these concepts are used successfully all the time), but sadly, some of these people preaching these ideas channel their influence into negative energy. What they are really saying is that if you don’t spend big (with them) you won’t have this magical life that they project as being super easy to attain. It’s just not true. Transformation takes work and effort. Many of these people are master marketers, they have studied how to influence in order to sell, they have studied manipulation tactics and some have even studied mind control. I am all for making money but it would be nice if a few more of them did so with integrity and with an actual thought for the people that they are leading.
A good leader isn’t the one who speaks the loudest or who markets themselves the best. A good leader supports and loves his (or her) people, they give what they can to make sure that their followers can be successful. They take the light off of themselves and shine it on the people doing the work, making the changes. A good leader doesn’t confuse people with rabbit holes and bullshit and false promises. A good leader is solid and accountable. He takes care of his people because he cares. He recognizes that his words have weight and realizes that means he has to be MORE responsible, MORE accountable and MORE in integrity than the average person. This is what personal development needs. Some of the people on that stage are genuine. Some have huge hearts but get a little lost along the way and some are just downright dangerous. It is the dangerous ones, the ones that exert an influence for the benefit of their own narcissism, that need to be taken out of this realm. These people love to confuse the masses with their shiny takes on life by using confusing concepts and vague ideas. They play on the feeling that “if I can’t afford this training I must not be good enough.” They feed on the energy of good people whose hearts are open and hurting and looking for healing and they take that energy and plug it into their own twisted hearts so they can feel even a micron of significance. The bigger they get, the more they need to feed.
Self transformation takes work. And anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit or hasn’t done it themselves. So many people fall into the trap of the dopamine hit. They bounce from one feel good video or inspirational quote to another, listening to all the ways they can change their life, thinking they are DOING it, but never taking actionable steps. They remain confused and clouded until they can no longer discern what’s up or down. They lose touch with their intuition which creates fractures in their self confidence and inherent wisdom and allows for negative influence to seep into their lives.
This kind of shit is absolutely rampant in the self development world.
And sometimes it gives life to a cult.
We are in freaking 2020 (almost). The idea of a cult seems so fucking archaic to me. But one definition is: “a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.” With those insidious bastards mentioned above they absolutely THRIVE on the attention. They promote self awareness and individuality, but lack it in themselves. They shun people that don’t come from a certain social status and drop them once that financial stream has been exhausted. At best they leave people lost and confused and at worst they leave them broken. They make everything about them, but they do so in a back handed way that, on the outside, appears that they are at the service of the people. Many of them lack originality and end up poaching ideas from others. Most of these people have created a facade so thick that they no longer have to face the scared little kid inside them.
My ask is that if anyone reading this is hurting and wants change, please, please, please for the love of all that is good in this world, keep a critical mind with some of these people before you decide to open your heart. Observe behavior, read between the lines. If you feel something may be off, it is! You owe it to yourself. If you don’t you will wake up like my friend, a few years down the road, broken and confused and having to completely rebuild your life from scratch.
I say all of this because I care and this kind of nasty business really pisses me off.
I have met exactly one person who is a true leader in this industry. Once I found his work I stopped searching for anyone else, because his principles work. I am sure there are others out there, but unless his stuff stops working for me, I don’t need to look any further. He cares, deeply, about the people who listen to him. He pines over the value of his material. He cries tears of joy when he sees people having successes in life and he always has his hand out for whoever needs it. I mentioned him before and I will mention him again. Mike Kemski.
When I met him I was cynical and jaded, completely fucking confused and lost in life. I was apathetic, withdrawn and my heart was all but shut down. His methods work and are the building blocks for my own resurrection and the reason this blog is even a thing. He has something he calls the PowerLife Principles. They are simple and doable. He put them together as he moved through the darkness in his life. I listened to him because he demonstrated he had been through wars and came out the other side. A lot of people say they have been through challenges and many have, but it takes someone freakishly strong to withstand what this guy did and not just come out the other side, but take the stinking shit he went through and mold it into something original and usable for him and millions of others. He did this before it was cool to work on self development. He did it without anyone’s help because he didn’t have anyone to help and he had to survive. He became a mentor and then we became friends and I can say that no one, NO ONE cares about people as much as he does. He wants everyone to recognize that they are powerful and through a few simple shifts can enrich their lives in countless ways. I am not a promoter. I don’t even know if people are reading this, but I stand by him and his work because it is solid and so is he. He is starting a Facebook challenge on January 6th. His challenges always draw a group of amazing people. The energy is always positive and encouraging and he pours his heart into his group. People become leaders through these challenges. Their light starts to shine brighter and they make massive shifts in just two weeks. It isn’t a cure all, people have to continue doing the work after the challenge, but it is the best first step I have found. The challenges run about two weeks and give you all the tools and support you need to change your life completely if you choose to keep working with his method. I do not back anyone unless I am 100% sure they are of high moral standard, and Mike is of the highest moral and ethical integrity of anyone I have ever met. Check out his writings on Facebook, see what sticks.
So if anyone is reading this and you want to jump start the rest of your life, click on the link below. If it doesn’t resonate keep scrolling. But for everyone, once you find someone whose work helps you create measurable results within your own life, please stop looking for a minute and realize there are no quick, magical fixes. Know that if you put in the work with everything that you have, there will be no choice but for your life to start shifting. Stop starting over with new people when things get tough. Trust your gut, trust your heart and keep moving. ❤ ❤