Day 5: Self Sabotage In Three Easy Steps!

Step 1: Start your day off by skipping your morning workout routine.

Step 2: Latch on to cognitive distortions.

Step 3: Don’t drink any damn water!

Pretty simple right? Every moment we make tiny decisions that can make or break us. All based on our current perspective, mood, surroundings etc.

For me today, I skipped my workout. My on call phone rang at 1AM, I couldn’t sleep again until almost 3AM and when my alarm went off at 4AM there was not even a consideration of getting up. There was no mindful thought of “Hm, does my body need more sleep?” My reaction was just an immediate “Hell no!” with a metaphorical tossing of my phone for good measure.

So I slept in. Not that sleeping in is bad. I LOVE sleeping. I can nap anytime, basically anywhere. And when I nap, I NAP. None of this sissy 20 min crap. I sleep for a few hours. It’s amazing.

By sleeping in, and choosing to do so with negative feelings attached, I ended up waking in a bad mood. The kind of mood that almost REQUIRES movement to get out of. Yes, movement. You know how when you are feeling all sick and tired and you lay on the couch, you can suddenly wake up 3 days later with the shame of orange Cheeto dust on your hands, not knowing what day it is or when you showered last… but once you get up and take in some air and MOVE your body, your cells start to wake up and you feel more alive? Movement is key, and one the THE HARDEST things to do when you are in a funk.

And I didn’t move this morning.

Bad mood…. coupled with cognitive distortions, a phrase I learned from John Kim, is a recipe for disaster. John has a podcast and website by the name of The Angry Therapist. He is one of those down to earth guys that has taken his work to the street. I haven’t met him, but I am exceedingly skeptical of the personal development world as authentic voices are getting harder and harder to come by. John feels authentic. His words resonate and I just really like what he has to say. So… cognitive distortions per Kim are “inaccurate thoughts that are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions,” and are mostly used as a means of protection. Some of those distortions include filtering out positives and focusing on negatives, black and white thinking, coming to grand conclusions based on one small piece of evidence, jumping to conclusions, living life in the “what – ifs”, making everything personal, living in the “shoulds”, blaming others and belief in what we feel as truth.

For me this morning I was focusing on and amplifying negatives in my day, jumping to conclusions, making things super personal, and taking my feelings as truth. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that perhaps my perception of a certain situation was based on my current emotional state, that I was able to create enough space to actually evaluate my feelings and consider shifting them.

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. It’s been raining for 48 hours here. There is simply no reason to need to be reminded to drink, I literally have nature knocking me on the head with reminders. And drink I did not. Water is so stupidly important. You know how when you are dehydrated your lips get all cracked and lose their elasticity? That is an amplification of what is going on at a cellular level. If your cells don’t have elasticity they can’t function at a high level and then they start to crack and their barrier can be breached by any number of insults. Your body is basically made of water, so depriving it of this necessary element is lazy and careless, and I was all of those things today.

By mid-day I wanted to murder someone. I snapped at a co-worker. I rushed through an appointment with a client. I just HAD TO LEAVE work. My day was very dramatic and by the time I got home I was borderline raging. For no good reason.

I would love to say that I made it home after shifting my feelings and had an amazing evening. Actually, I did have a really good evening, but it was due to the presence of a friend who honestly, let me kind of rage on for a minute. I would like to say I chugged a bunch of water and suddenly felt vibrant again. I can’t say any of those things. But what I can say is that tomorrow I am going to get up, drink my damn water and head to the gym so I can at least start my day with a success component.

Sometimes self care is realizing you fucked up, appreciating that you had that awareness and pledging to yourself to do better moving forward. And doing so with acceptance in your heart. ❤ ❤

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