Day 4: One of THOSE Days

You know how sometimes you wake up in the morning and you feel pretty darn good, except your alarm went off a little late and you rush to your car only to find a tire is flat? Then the day carries on with one folly after another making you wonder WHY IN THE HELL you got out of bed that morning…

That was today for me.

I literally just accidentally deleted my entire blog post. Poof!

Motherf*cker.

Is it time for bed yet?

Self love/care doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, simple is often FAR superior. It doesn’t have to require appointments and drive time. Sometimes self care is simply getting the fuck out of bed in the morning when all you want to do is sleep in. It’s about making a different decision from one that you have previously. I could very easily have just stopped on this post tonight, the first one was uninspired, the second is now a rambling with little focus. But I didn’t. I CHOSE to push through. Some would say, “No, take a rest, start again tomorrow.” I don’t want to do that. I WANT to write this mediocre piece of drivel because that is also self care, because I have a goal. I want to chose different. I want to live different, and dammit I wanna take care of myself and that means having accountability for my actions, it’s about keeping track of the progress and this blog represents all of those things.

Sometimes self care is kicking yourself in the ass so you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Let me just hit “Save Draft” here…

In case you can’t tell my day was a little brutal. It started off with me almost passing out at the gym cause I am too stubborn to listen to my body (again, I have a goal, not gonna let a little sickness stop me). I got in my car and felt immediately EXHAUSTED, as in let-me-pull-into-a-parking-spot-for-twenty-minutes-and-nap exhausted. I had zero energy all day, I was told I looked glassy eyed and tired, I had clients who would not stop talking and I was called into a meeting with my boss and frankly I would have preferred gouging my eyes out with a rusty spoon to spending one second in a room with her. My tire was indeed flat, my dogs were being insane and I had no food in my house. I am currently on call for work so waiting for my phone to ring and DREADING getting a call when all I want to do is sleep.

That outlook is SO AWESOME (and dramatic). I’m being serious. It’s really potent perspective for me and a chance to evaluate and change my language to something more useful and ultimately better.

My day wasn’t “brutal.” It did have some minor annoyances but when I look back with a cleaner lens I can see a completely different day. I was able to spend a few minutes in bed snuggling with my pups this morning. Even though I didn’t feel great I got up and worked out which adds a layer of strength and grit to my human portfolio. I was tired sure, but I also just took a second to take some deep breaths and evaluate WHY I was so tired and realized I had a loop with someone that was spinning around my head and it was wearing me out, so I closed it. The person who pointed out how tired I looked allowed me to shift my focus to being more awake and energized which gave me what I needed to handle talking to high maintenance clients today. My meeting with my boss… she told me what I needed to hear and resulted in another loop closing, which took a significant weight off of my shoulders. I was also able to connect with some friends I hadn’t seen in a few days, I spread some Christmas love through a Secret Santa stocking exchange. The tire, an easy fix with a compressor at work, I have time to address tomorrow. My dogs are always insane and I was able to step back and realize they are just being little bundles of happiness and energy and if I see it that way their behavior becomes endearing. I also scrounged around my cupboards and made a tasty, healthy, nourishing dinner. As for being on call, there’s not much I can do about that, but I can choose to finish this, shut my computer off and curl up in my bed until a call comes. See… it’s all a matter of perspective. One makes my life dark and thick and hard to manage the other makes it a game, a little lighter and ultimately much less stressful. Looking back at my day retrospectively proves an easy shift. Altering things in the moment is a bit more difficult.

I have become used to this phrase “Highest Energy Wins,” coined by this awesome man, Mike Kemski. Mike is an underdog of the personal development world who is destined to make a big splash in the upcoming months. He has the hair of a viking and a heart full of pure, radiant love. He is a good friend of mine and has a really epic life story that took him from suicide attempt to successful family man, author and industry leader. If you don’t know him, you should. His adage “Highest Energy Wins” means just that… that which your highest energy is focused on will win out. If I WANT to see all the shitty moments in my day, I will. If I choose to see the lighter moments and the good bits, I will and I will find whatever I am looking for. Highest energy does not mean whatever is considered the highest vibration (i.e. love) it literally means the most prevalent energy. That can be peace, joy, love, anger, resentment, fear… the whole spectrum…All of those feelings play a part in the human experience and what you give your attention to will be at the forefront. By shifting perspectives I can shift my entire energetic output. It isn’t instantaneous for me (yet) and right now it takes a HUGE amount of effort to recognize when I am in a downward spiral and then to make a conscious choice to pick a different energy to focus on. As Mike would say, “This is simple, but not always easy.” Starting something from a standstill requires way more effort and force than shifting focus when the train is already moving.

And this is where self care becomes less about bubble baths and manicures and more about doing the down and dirty work that may bring you to your knees but in the end will open doors to wonders you didn’t know existed and propel you forward to the life you have always wanted to lead.

I wanted to be in a shitty mood today… until I didn’t… and then I sat up a little straighter, rotated my shoulders back, walked with purpose and smiled at the first person I saw. They smiled back, and suddenly the world didn’t feel as heavy.

Highest. Energy. Wins.

And the really cool thing is that every second, we get to decide. ❤ ❤

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